Is Your Marriage In A Bind And You Long To Save The Relationship?
Living in a distressed marriage can at times go unseen by either partner. Or several couples feel that there is a dilemma but elect to just put up with the situation instead of taking steps to get the love back and save the relationship.
Why? The rationalization may arise from the family situation that either spouse has grown up in. A spouse whose parents had a troubled marriage often see this as the model and does not recognize the need to take notice or may not even be cognizant that there is a problem. He or she may have a misconstrued belief that the circumstances are typical as he or she has gone through it before. Maybe these wrong ideas have been imbued in the spouse since childhood while watching his or her parents withstand a troubled marriage. So, having a bad marriage himself or herself does not activate any response.
Thus what are the symptoms of a troubled marriage?
Absence of intimacy, for one. Though before, both spouses can’t wait to get their hands on each other, now there is lack of fervor. The simple loving touch, the surprise kiss, the holding of hands – all these are no longer in existence.
No communication. Communication is key to bonding. And marriage is all about the joining of two people. Once communication is not present, the spouses cannot give themselves the opportunity to connect and cultivate the marital union.
Physical and verbal abuse. The presence of abuse means there is no respect between the partner. Physical or verbal abuse is a serious sign of a bad marriage. Marriage should be based on respect and love, and when these are non-existent, problem starts.
Couples frequently fall into the trap of denial. Elements such as fear from reprisal from family and friends can prevent the couple from facing the issue head on and searching for assistance to save the relationship. Other elements such as concern for the good of the children push couples to just accept the situation acting on it. These couples do not get that this does not help their children at all. If left unchecked, the children will grow up in an environment filled with unease and stress and lack of role model to follow in their own relationships later on.
Thus what do you need to do? First, talk about it; this brings the communication back into the relationship. When you talk it over with your spouse, it will be easier to understand that there is a problem. When you both acknowledge that there is a problem, it will be easier to look for help. Frequently couples elect to try to save the relationship themselves without searching for help. This is all right – for a first step. Though if you observe that you are not making improvement, then it is time to search for outside help through counseling or through resources that you can tap like self-help books or through the internet.
We are frequently caught in our delusions of castles in the sky and conclude that love will overpower all and things will work out by themselves. Nothing wrong in being positive about it. But frequently a third party is necessary to make you and your spouse realize each of your weaknesses and analyze with an open mind what the problem is.
Doing nothing and trying to cope with a bad marriage can cause strain and agitation not only for you and your spouse but your children and other family members as well. Do not remain passive and just pray things will work out. You can do something to save the relationship . There is hope; a bad marriage can still be restored.
Zeny Zabala is a relationship resource person who loves to write articles about marriage and relationships for individuals looking for help and inspiration in their relationships. She also provides reading recommendations on her web site with reviews on the best available reading resources on the internet today. Visit her website now.
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