Relationship Counselling – The Myths
When couples and families begin to get into difficulties with their relationships, there can often be a huge amount of reluctance for them to seek help. Often though, their reasons for not doing so are based on myths, either concerning the nature of relationships themselves, or around the process of counselling. Here are just some of the more common ones.
- 1. Only people with severe mental problems go for counselling
Actually many, if not most of the people who seek counselling are perfectly normal, sane people who simply find themselves struggling at a particular point in their lives or with a particular problem. Often they are too close to the situation to be able to find a resolution or the situation has become too stressful to be able to work it through on their own. Where relationships are concerned, when problems arise because of changes or perceptions, often communication difficulties arise and couples find it impossible to move forward on their own. With the help of a counsellor or therapist, however, they can identify the real issues and find solutions which work for them.
- 2. Your relationship has to be at the end of the road before counselling needs to be considered
Although many people put off going to relationship counselling until the situation has got very serious and divorce seems imminent, in all cases it is better to seek help sooner rather than later. Attending counselling sessions as soon as you can see that there is a problem helps to resolve matters before they have the chance to escalate.
- 3. The counsellor will take sides
The aim of relationship counselling is to work with couples or families to achieve a state of harmony where everyone’s voice is heard and everyone’s needs are met. Counsellors cannot help their clients to achieve this by apportioning blame or taking sides, but only by creating a non-judgemental atmosphere in which everyone concerned feels supported.
- 4. The counsellor will turn my partner against me
This is one of the greatest fears that many people have about the counselling process. Perhaps because of their own sense of guilt about things that they have said or done in a relationship, or perhaps because of their own sense of insecurity, they feel that they will be judged, found wanting and that the counsellor will convince their partner to leave. The aim, however, is for the counsellor to facilitate understanding and communication so that the relationship works better for all concerned.
- 5. The counsellor is a complete stranger and so cannot possibly understand our relationship
It is precisely because the counsellor is a completely unbiased outsider that he or she is so well-placed to help. Anyone who is too close to the situation, such as a friend or family member, would not only be likely to take sides, but would also be unlikely to have had the necessary training and experience which is required to help with relationship difficulties. In many instances, turning to someone other than a qualified professional would be like the blind leading the blind.
- 6. My partner is the one who is causing all the problems, so I don’t need counselling
Relationships revolve around interactions between individuals, and often problems occur as the individuals themselves change, when circumstances or perceptions of one another change or when people get stuck with perceptions which are no longer valid. Exploring these things together is usually the best way to discover and learn new ways of relating to one another and of being together.
- 7. Attending relationship counselling sessions would be embarrassing
Counsellors are bound by rules of confidentiality and so will not discuss you or your problems with others. The only people who will know that you are attending relationship counselling sessions are the ones that you choose to tell.
No human relationship could ever be described as easy and all go through periods of doubt and confusion from time to time. Where there is a real commitment towards making it work, however, relationship counselling can help couples and families to find new levels of understanding and awareness and new ways of communicating, so enabling them to live in greater harmony.
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