Attractive column
Sandra, 35, came to me 3 months ago. She was getting through the upset of her husband’s affair and had made the decision to leave him and start divorce proceedings. She had got over the initial shock and had a good idea of how she wanted her life to look in the future.
However, this experience had left her with some nasty side effects. As well as losing her confidence, she just didn’t feel like an attractive woman anymore, which was stopping her having the courage to get out there an meet new people, including men.
“I just don’t feel attractive to the opposite sex anymore. I’ve had 3 kids and don’t really look my best. When I was dating and met Robert I was 25 and looked a lot different!”
The big problem was that Sandra was fixated on the way she looked aesthetically, rather than concentrating on what was great and beautiful about her on the inside first.
Together we worked on cultivating her inner feelings of attractiveness and gorgeousness. Then we were able to start looking at the way she dressed, did her make-up, etc.
Here are some of the techniques and discoveries Sandra made about herself: –
1. Think yourself attractive
You are only as attractive as you think you are. If you don’t think you look good then it’s going to be hard for other people to see you as attractive. Believing in yourself is a great start as then you’ll start respecting and taking more care of yourself.
2. Never see a man out of your league
By believing others are too good for you, you’re doing yourself a great disservice.
3. Gorgeousness is not just about the way you look
Being attractive doesn’t necessarily correlate with how good looking you are. There are a lot of unattractive people who could be considered good looking. Attractiveness comes from confidence, being funny, living life to the full, being radiant and talking passionately about things. There are many and different opportunities for you to develop your attractiveness levels.
4. Rediscover your attractive qualities
Make a list if all your unique and outstanding qualities and make sure people get a sense of these qualities when you interact with them. Who are you and what do you stand for. Make it as positive, confident and strong as you can. Inspire people with your life and who you are.
5. Who inspires you?
Think about those people you find attractive and that inspire you. What qualities do they have and are there any that really appeal to you that you could add to your qualities list? Compliment them and accept any compliments you receive – and believe them.
6. Dress well
Now you’ve worked on your inner attractiveness levels don’t waste it all by dressing yourself down. Dress confidently and sexily. Look after your appearance by going for facials, regular haircuts, etc. This will all add fuel to your overall feelings of gorgeousness.
7. Do something daring
Decide on one thing that scares you and that you wouldn’t normally do. Maybe it’s going up and flirting with someone in a bar, or even just making eye contact. Choose something that’s going to push you and as a result add extra notches to your confidence and attractiveness levels.
8. Be elusive
Once you start dating again don’t be in a desperate hurry to be liked by everyone and give everything away. Being elusive and a little bit inaccessible is very attractive and shows a real independent and confidence.
Remember, it’s not just whether they like you, but whether you like them too! They also need to fit into your criteria for an ideal partner.
“I’ve come such a long way in 3 months. When I found out about my ex husband’s affair I didn’t really see how id ever move on, but I have and I feel great. I rediscovered how I am and just how attractive I am. I’ve also rediscovered that I’m quite a natural flirt.”
Rebekah Fensome is a Life Coach and hypnotherapist based in London. She can be contacted on rebekah.fensome@gmail.com and visit her website www.rebekahfensomelifecoach.com.
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