Being Happy Single
The client who learnt how to be happy single
Rebekah Fensome Life Coach and Hypnotherapist had been coaching Val, 34 on her relationship life. Her relationship behaviour always repeated itself in that she’d overlap from one relationship to another to ensure that she never had to be single. Her worst fear was to feel lonely and without a man. She saw single as being tough and didn’t want to experience this. She liked having someone there all the time to share things such as ideas, problems, meals, experiences, etc.
Though there is nothing wrong with not being single in Val’s case it was having a negative affect on her in that she’d become completely reliant on whoever she was with at the time and she complained that she had never really found anyone she really wanted to be with.
“I’ve had relationships with great guys but do feel now that I’ve never really thought about what I really really want from a partner and that I just slip into having a boyfriend for the sake of not wanting to be single.”
Through our coaching session together Val managed to understand what she really needed in a relationship and learn that sometimes it can be better to be single:-
1. Enrich your life
It’s important to cultivate your life so it feels rich enough for you to live it alone if you have to for a while. Start doing things for yourself. For example, you can still cook from scratch even if it’s only for you, you can go to the cinema alone. Spend more time with friends and family and realize they are just as good to talk to about issues, ideas and a partner.
2. You’re not alone
Being single is on the increase. Don’t feel that you are odd for not having a partner. It’s more important to be with the right person for the right reasons than because of a fear of being alone.
3. Reframe how you see being single
Be positive about being single. Think about how this is good for your life. It will mean you can enjoy dating and meeting lots of different kinds of people on your quest to meet the right person that you want to settle down with. Don’t think about any negatives such as “what if I don’t meet anyone, what if I end up alone.” Don’t concentrate on this instead just concentrate on creating as many opportunities for yourself to meet people.
4. Create an ideal partner brief
Make a list of what you want from your future partner. You don’t have to just settle, however, conversely dont be overly picky either, e.g. they wear the wrong kind of shoes, etc.
5. The Past is the past
Don’t concentrate on past failed relationships and allow this to seep into future relationships. This does alot of harm as comparison is the road to ruin. Everyone is individual and unique and so are our relationships.
6. Single times of the year
Holidays can be a reminder that we’re single but don’t allow this to influence you. Find out other singles and do something fun all together.
“Rebekah has really helped me see that being with someone for the sake of not being alone is not the right reason to be in a relationship and it actually has an overall impact on my self reliance. It’s good to be alone for periods of your life to understand who you are and what you really want.”
Rebekah Fensome is a Life Coach and hypnotherapist based in London. She can be contacted on rebekah.fensome@gmail.com and visit her website www.rebekahfensomelifecoach.com.
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