Predicting Marriage Success Before You Jump In
Will it end in a messy divorce leaving you holding the baby? Will you split as soon as the kids have left home? Or will you see out your twilight years together in a state of loving contentment?
Attempting to answer these questions has been the focus of thousands of studies in the field of psychology. While there are no conclusive answers, there are some important factors which have been found to predict relationship success. Considering these factors may help you in making those important future decisions about your relationship.
Before getting our teeth into the meaty bits, it’s important to note that relationship “success” is difficult to measure. It’s often measured as either “longevity”, or “satisfaction.” But which one of these, if not both of them, are a true measure of success? I’m sure you can all think of people you know who stay in unhappy marriages or relationships.
Communication in the relationship
How couples communicate before getting hitched has been found to be predictive of marriage success. Playfulness and the ability to make the mundane and ordinary aspects of communication fun has been found to be an important factor in relationship success. As is the ability to communicate about personal subjects, and for both parties to accept what has been said. This could include what is important to each person, or perhaps things that have gone on in the past even before the couple knew each other. Another important predicting factor is the feeling from both partners that they have been listened and understood.
Family background
Research has found that people whose parents have divorced are more likely to divorce themselves. It is difficult to make judgments about what causes this. For example it could be that people whose parents are divorced are less likely to stay in an unhappy marriage than others. It could also reflect religious or cultural beliefs.
Age of marriage
How old the couple were when they tied the knot has been shown to be a predictor of how long the knot will last. One study found that marriages between people aged 19-23 where around twice as likely to end within 5 years, when compared with marriages between couple aged 23- 29, and over 30.
How long the couple were together before they got married
This states the obvious really, but meeting on Friday night in a bar and flying to Vegas for a wedding on Sunday isn’t the basis for a long and satisfying marriage. And yes, numerous studies have found that the longer a couple is together before marriage, the greater the length of their marriage is likely to be.
Personality
Perhaps surprisingly, there have been few studies that have found strong links between personality and marriage success. It seems that interactions between the couple are often more important than personality traits.
However there have been some links found between some important personality traits and marriage success.
– People scoring higher in agreeableness, or who have a tendency to be cooperative and compassionate, versus antagonistic and suspicious towards others tend to last longer in a marriage. Ah yes, the green eyed monster rears its head again.
– And those scoring higher in conscientiousness, which is the tendency for self discipline and a planned approach to doing things. This isn’t really surprising as conscientiousness has been linked to success in a wide array of life situations, from job performance to financial success.
– And finally, another not very surprising result. Those scoring higher in neuroticism or who are less emotionally stable have been shown to have a greater chance of divorce.
Other studies have found that people with high insecurity were less likely to last in marriage. And those who scored high on a “perfectionism” scale were less likely to be in successful relationships. So next time your partner overcooks the silverbeet, just let them off.
So will it last?
Science has told us that apples fall on people’s heads due to gravity, but it can’t tell us if our marriage will last. And maybe that’s the way it’s meant to be. Perhaps it’s that uncertainty about the future, and how people react to the challenge of a relationship that plays a big role in determining the success, or otherwise of a marriage. Who knows?
marriage counselling, long term relationships
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