Insuring Your Second Marriage Doesn’t Turn Out Like Your First
For some of us marrying once is a really intimidating thing. And contrary to popular opinion it’s not just men who are reluctant. Women are, too.
Love and romance seem more likely in fiction than in real life.
So the mere idea of marrying a SECOND time seems WAY too risky.
But in reality, being older and wiser might make the second marriage better if you choose well and protect your own interests.
Here are some suggestions to make your odds better.
1. Find someone who shares your interests. Instead of meeting losers in bars, take a class, meet people your friends and relatives like, look toward old acquaintances, or even meet someone from work.
2. Check out people you meet. Don’t assume everything someone tells you is true. Only people who have something to hide would object. This is especially necessary if you have kids or want them.
3. Protect your assets. Some people would be willing to marry you just to get access to your money and other assets. Consult a lawyer to protect yourself.
4. Take your time. Even people who are adept at hiding their real intentions will REVEAL ALL as time passes. You need time and you need to pay attention. Are they nice to others? Are they patient? Are they intelligent? Do they share your values?
5. Postpone getting physical until you feel comfortable. Many STD’s make child bearing unlikely or could give you physical problems you want to avoid. Ask the right questions before you jump into the back seat with a virtual stranger. And always use protection.
6. Look for someone who has similar intellectual abilities to yours. It’s not fun feeling patronized or waiting for your significant other to catch up. See what real compatibility feels like. Guess what? It’s more fun!
7. It’s good to feel a physical spark of attraction. But remember proximity may cause attraction, too. Suppose you find someone who shares your goals and is much nicer than your ex. People who are mean and ornery don’t make good spouses.
Day to day kindness and moral support can make marriages far more rewarding than a relationship with a mean, venal, cranky abuser. Anyone who has been through a divorce has had some really bad times. But there are good people around.
It might seem impossible if you are recovering from a divorce to have a new relationship. But keep an open mind. Successful second marriages can happen. You have the experience to choose better.
Anna has been writing articles online for nearly 3 years now. This article was prepared on behalf of Georgette Pauls. You can find more of her insights into relationships and life (Hint: They’re very connected) at Relationship Advice and Second Marriage Advice.
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