Devil in the Details When You Start an Affair
Before you rush into starting an affair, you need to think and evaluate your own personality first. What do other people find attractive about you? Can you handle the risks of your spouse finding out and the complications it will create at work and your social circles, and would you be able to handle the consequences? Do you have the time or courage to have an affair? If you haven’t thought about these questions, you definitely need to try to answer them now. Bear in mind that there are at the very least three parties that will be affected by your decision, most likely more if you have youngsters.
Finding A Lover
This can be the places you go to as part of your daily routine, including the groups that you hang out with. That means at work, at church, at the pub with your buddies, at the gym where you work out and countless other great sources for potential lovers. If you have singles in your social groups, this can help. The first thing you have to exclude would be the circle of friends you share with your spouse or family.
I Have Someone In Mind
Before you jump into it right away, you need to make sure if the other party is interested in being more than a friend. Do the basics such as making eye contact, finding out their interests and chatting to them about it. Just blurting out “I want to have sex with you” won’t usually work and may get you a slap in the face, unless the person’s pretty easy. You also have to get a feel of whether your potential lover values discretion in these matters. You don’t want them spilling the beans to everyone and having it get back to your partner!
They Know I’m Married
Unfortunately, if they know you’re married, your chances of them making a pass at you are slimmer than if you were single. You need to be careful about how you approach them. Try not too be too physically aggressive by being to close and invading their space since this will result in the other party being nervous and end up just keeping their distance from you. In the end, you need to ensure they want to be more than just friends before you concrete your intentions.
My Potential Lover Does Not Know I’m Married
You lucked out since this makes it a bit easier to start an extramarital affair. If they don’t know your relationship status and you make advances towards them, most people will assume you’re single and not bother asking.
All Set? Then Go
You cannot be sure if the other person is interested until you ask. Many people flirt with no intent to take it further than a dirty dance, casual touch or flirty eyes. Body language is important and the nature of conversations is also key. If they are willing to talk of intimate subjects with you, then that is a good sign. It takes practice to read the signs and you have to be good at this, otherwise it might get a bit embarrassing, with the other party being shocked at you and that they will now tell your wife about it!
Once all signals are clear, be careful of the next step. Asking them “wanna go in the closet and boink?” is probably a little too blatant. A little body contact and soft, casual touches would be a good start to gauge the reaction and build on it.
Got Rejected?
You can’t just expect everything to go your way every time. If you got shot down, you just need to take it civilly and move on to the next target. No need to get upset and make things worse by saying stupid things!
Manage Expectations on Both Sides
As in most relationships, set the expectations early especially in terms of the level of confidentiality that both sides will follow. If you only want it to be an affair and you want to keep your married life, you need to talk to that person because it has to be a mutual agreement to work properly. If you forget to do this, you will almost certainly be left with either just your marriage and no separate lover, torn between the two, or worse, end up solo!
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