Losing Yourself In A Relationship
Losing yourself in a relationship is a common occurrence. It happens when we forgo our own happiness for that of another, when we give up on our self so that the relationship stays as how we think it should. We give our identity over to the combined effort of keeping the relationship in stasis. When we lose ourselves to a relationship, we are inducing a sadness and a loss from within ourselves. The relationship can never make up for what we have given up to keep it going. If we were existing fully in a relationship, it would be the right path, the one we were meant to walk on, and not something that requires more than we can give.
Often, losing yourself is not always evident; it can happen slowly as concessions are given over your own desires and needs. However, once the path is created, there is an imbalance, and it is often hard to go back, especially in a relationship where the other person is used to taking and may not even realize that you are losing what you need for yourself. Relationships are about balance, understanding, security, growth, and development. When we stop growing to compensate for the other, we give up who we are meant to be as ourselves, and even the possibility of who we can become with this other person.
To wake up to your own desire and needs, to be fulfilled within the relationship, is to first realize and then to come to terms with the imbalance that has been created. The other person may not see this imbalance or it could be quite evident. The longer this process has been going on, the more evident it may feel to you. What is important to realize is you have not given up your strength, yourself, or even your happiness. What you have done is sacrificed yourself for a little while for the happiness of the relationship.
To put the balance back is not about being assertive; it is about truth and honesty. If your partner or this other person can adjust to the new you, your true needs and desires, then you are welcome to find yourself again. If not, then by all means realize this and step out of a situation that no longer deserves you or all the sacrifices you have made thus far. This takes honesty from within and confidence as well, but your happiness is relying upon you to follow through with it. You do not necessarily need to vacate the relationship in order to find yourself. However, what you do need to do is to find the balance again, to be truthful with your needs and desires, and to let yourself come forward again in the relationship. Open up to what is important for you and this other person. Let them describe what they too may have been missing; look for answers about what is important, but never ever overlook yourself.
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