Lightning does strike twice in the same place
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I was not sure if it was a dream – no, nightmare.
Just 3 days ago, I had noticed a small lump in the upper quadrant of my right breast. But no, I did not panic – I was secure in the wise saying –“Lightning does not strike twice in the same place”.
One can say that there is a history of cancer in my family – my grandmother was diagnosed early, and is a survivor, having recovered from it and is leading a healthy life from the past 17 years. However my older sister was not so lucky – she got the disease when she was 32! Sadly she died within 6 months of diagnosis. So, in a way I had lulled myself into a security that the gene has been passed on to my sister, and therefore it cannot strike the same family again – after all even God would have a conscience!!
But like they say – at times you wonder whether he does!!
Soon after the mammogram results were given, the doctor insisted on doing a sonogram.
How could I forget that day – me lying on the examination table, joking with the doctor, that it cannot be cancer, because lightning does not strike in the same place twice – when he gravely said “Roopa, I think it has!!”. My first reaction was – “how could you know? After all a sonogram can only tell us so much. It could be a cyst, a fibroid, a ……, but certainly not cancer”.
I was in denial. It cannot happen to me. It was just not fair. I was in pretty good health, exercising, eating healthy, enjoying life, working hard at my business…
Outside the lab, I called my friend, a pathologist, asking for advice. No, no tears. Just practical thoughts –what needs to be done, where to go, who will help, kind of thoughts.
In the evening, I went home and shared the news with my husband and son. They were shocked, but wanted to assure me of their support – reaffirming my belief that it is family who helps one to get out of the tough times. Then came the tears – copious, rivers of tears. But once I was done with crying, I decided to take a hand in what was to happen to my future.
I initially wanted to hide this from my parents (I must have been watching too many Hindi films!!).
But my husband advised me that it is not fair – to the wonderful relationship we have with parents. We mI was not sure if it was a dream – no, nightmare.
Just 3 days ago, I had noticed a small lump in the upper quadrant of my right breast. But no, I did not panic – I was secure in the wise saying –“Lightning does not strike twice in the same place”.
One can say that there is a history of cancer in my family – my grandmother was diagnosed early, and is a survivor, having recovered from it and is leading a healthy life from the past 17 years. However my older sister was not so lucky – she got the disease when she was 32! Sadly she died within 6 months of diagnosis. So, in a way I had lulled myself into a security that the gene has been passed on to my sister, and therefore it cannot strike the same family again – after all even God would have a conscience!!
But like they say – at times you wonder whether he does!!
Soon after the mammogram results were given, the doctor insisted on doing a sonogram.
How could I forget that day – me lying on the examination table, joking with the doctor, that it cannot be cancer, because lightning does not strike in the same place twice – when he gravely said “Roopa, I think it has!!”. My first reaction was – “how could you know? After all a sonogram can only tell us so much. It could be a cyst, a fibroid, a ……, but certainly not cancer”.
I was in denial. It cannot happen to me. It was just not fair. I was in pretty good health, exercising, eating healthy, enjoying life, working hard at my business…
Outside the lab, I called my friend, a pathologist, asking for advice. No, no tears. Just practical thoughts –what needs to be done, where to go, who will help, kind of thoughts.
In the evening, I went home and shared the news with my husband and son. They were shocked, but wanted to assure me of their support – reaffirming my belief that it is family who helps one to get out of the tough times. Then came the tears – copious, rivers of tears. But once I was done with crying, I decided to take a hand in what was to happen to my future.
I iust trust them, because the best way to face adversity is to do it – Together. Our tribute to a relationship lies in the trust and frankness we express.
My parents were devastated. Having lost one daughter to this disease was bad enough. Now one more!! It is true that the heaviest burden in the world is the corpse of a child on the shoulder of the parents. Within a week the surgery – lumpectomy (removal of the lump) was completed. Soon, we were talking, chemotherapy, radiation, HRT etc etc.
I trawled the internet for information on the disease, treatments, support groups. I spoke to doctors and care givers in other parts of the world. I collected a whole lot of data, made a big list of questions (most of which were answered by the doctors)
Surgery was not too bad – though I hated the drain they had put in. But then within a short few weeks, it was a distant memory.
While I was not new to the side effects of chemotherapy, having watched my sister go through it, it still did not prepare me for what it did to me!! Of course the treatment is tough – but a big thanks to my parents who were there constantly, supporting me and cheering me on I focused on getting it over with.
Yes, there were days when all I wanted to do was curl up and die. There were days, when I wanted to give up the treatment. There were days when I thought there is no point. But yet, with the help of my parents, doctors, friends it was always a “short – stay” feeling.
I will never forget the Mantra which one of my doctor friends gave me. He said , every time you feel lousy and down say “ Don’t worry, it is temporary” (and it rhymes!!)
I used this mantra when I lost all my hair; I used this mantra when I was admitted to hospital for infection. I used this mantra when I went through the various side effects which ravaged my body.
And it is true – today, I can look back and laugh about many things. About how my nieces loved my bald look. About how I experimented with different wigs and fooled people.
But no, don’t be discouraged. It is not so tough if you set goals for yourself. I used to accept one “event” for the month – which meant I had something to think and talk about, to look forward to. So, one month I was organizing a quiz program, another month I was performing on stage (a solo dance number, with wig et al!!), another month it was an Antakshari program I was hosting. It was not easy – at times I had to drag myself out of bed to even get to the computer at home. But a goal gives you a sense of purpose and keeps you going. And of course, with good and encouraging friends these events were successful and have given me wonderful memories!! The point is not what you do. The point is to take your focus away from your disease, your immediate suffering and pains and aches. The point is to become positive minded. The point is to realize that you have many friends and well wishers who will support and cheer you.
After chemotherapy, it was radiation. Honestly it was not too bad. The sandwich treatment – having radiation treatment between two sets of chemo, was a good way for my body also to recoup, as also for my spirit to catch a breather.
In fact, after my treatment was over, for a week, it did not really sink in!! I was so used to being in and out of hospitals. I kept planning my next visit to the hospital – only to realize that I did not have to!!
Yes, it was tough – but certainly made me a tougher person, more appreciative of life and its wonderful gifts. And further proof that positive attitudes make a whole lot of difference. Also it gave me another focus – to share with other patients some of the experiences I have had. To give them courage and confidence – that this too shall pass. To spread awareness amongst women, that early detection can make all the difference.
And now I am proud to say – “I am a survivor” (not a victim, not a patient)
About HCG Oncology
HCG, the <a href=”http://www.hcgoncology.com”>best Cancer Care Hospital in India</a> specializes in Cancer Treatment, CyberKnife Surgery, Oncology Symptoms, Cancerous Tumors, Breast Cancer Treatment, chemotherapy, Radiation oncology, Medical Oncology and Surgical Oncology.
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