Your Grandparents Marriage
In the past, when many women stayed home to support the children and the home, husbands went to work and brought in the financial support. As time went on, more women started going to work and helping in the financial support for the family but they were still the main support for the children and taking care of the home.
Today however, women and men both go to work and support the family financially, so men and women are both expected to be there for support of the children and the home, right? Today things are more equal financially. Also women finally realized they really cannot bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let him forget he is the man. Women also realized they needed more equality at home as well. Chances are if you are doing everything, you are going to forget he is the man. This is not your grandparents marriage! And because this is not your grand parents marriage, it will be a challenge in your marriage if you have the same mindset or expectations in your marriage as your grandparents.
People have expectations of how their marriage will be, and they are usually based on how they were raised. But it is very possible that it is time for a different expectation for your marriage. With very busy schedules juggling jobs, kids and activities people find themselves taking care of everyone and everything, but not each other.
If you want to have a healthy relationship, think of your “marriage like a garden, you have to tend it; if not weeds grow up and take over the flowers”. Next thing you know the garden looks horrible. If you do not tend to your marriage, you will look up one day and wonder what happened. You will look up and find you have no relationship, or no marriage.
Rita De Mario (2009) from the Council for Relationships suggest:
- “Get to know one another’s needs. It makes a huge difference when couples make a conscious effort to learn about themselves and each other.
- Make the relationship a priority. You need to spend time every day connecting with your partner in a real way; not just kiss on the cheek as you leave the house. Couples need to stay connected and stay current. Don’t let things build up, deal with challenges on an ongoing basis.
- Make time to get away alone as a couple. You need to have one-on-one time with your partner. You can’t expect to have a good connection with your partner if you don’t spend time together. Go out on a date once a week. Aim to spend a total of at least fifteen hours (awake) together during the week. That’s about 10% of your waking hours.
- Men should associate with other men on a meaningful level. This does not mean only talking about sports. Men need the company of other men to share struggles, challenges, and successes. Men need to develop a powerful support network where they can be real where they can say what’s really going on with their relationships, with their kids, and with their career. Many men today suffer from ‘father hunger’ because their dads were absent, working two jobs, or otherwise emotionally unavailable.
- Women also need support from other women, though many have that kind of support already. Under stress we know that women will generally find it easier to talk about such things as relationships and their children, and reach out to others. Women need to support each other as ‘sisters,’ not just mothers and wives, and to be careful not to get into blaming men for their struggles.”
There are some things from your parent and grandparents relationships that may be worth holding on to, but day to day issues in reference to work, responsibility for children, activities and household responsiblities are probably different. Let me encourage you to update your thoughts, alter your perspective, and change some of your actions. This is not your grand parents marriage.
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