Warning Signs That Your Man Has an Addiction
I turned the blind eye for years. I knew that something wasn’t quite right with my boyfriend, but we lived together so how much could he be doing that I didn’t know about? Even the events that seemed strange would be written off as just that – strange.
I now think that I didn’t want to see what was going on. Some of the signs were so obvious that I’m almost embarrassed to say that I let them go and continued on treating him like he was my prince. Really embarrassed. But I know that I am not the only one in history to ignore the signs, and I know I won’t be the last.
While some signs are obvious, others are not so obvious. We can explain away these warning signs with a few possible explanations and so we choose the one that sits the best with us, because admitting that there might be a problem is the harder route to take.
Obvious Signs of Addiction
Stealing money – You had a few hundred bucks in your wallet and now it’s gone. He tells you he doesn’t know where it went and instead of continuously freaking out about it you eventually just let it go.
It sounds crazy that we would just let it go but that is what happens when we can’t find a good explanation. We tell ourselves that we lost it somehow, as if it just fell out of our wallet, and we move on with our lives.
If you are missing large sums of money from your wallet or bank account, and he has access to them, then you have a huge warning sign of addiction sitting in front of you.
Spending money on nothing – This is such an obvious sign when you think about it but it is also very easy to write off.
I remember my boyfriend getting a large income tax return and having no money left a few days later. I asked him where it had gone to and he said ‘here and there’ with not much extra explanation. After a few weeks of continuously asking him about the money he started to make me feel guilty for hounding him about it and eventually I just gave up. I accepted that the money was gone even though he had nothing to show for it and my mind didn’t think addiction was the cause even though I had reasons to believe otherwise.
His friend tells you flat-out that he has an addiction – This is another sign that I’ve personally dealt with. His friend left a note on my car telling me that he had spent his income tax return on drugs. The problem was that my boyfriend was so convincing that he could talk away anything. He told me that his friend was jealous of our relationship and wanted to break us up. Who do you think I believed?
I told you it was embarrassing that I ignored such obvious signs, but when you are in the relationship your feelings get in the way of facts and it can be very easy to take the route that doesn’t make sense because it’s easier than fighting, nagging, or worrying.
Not So Obvious Signs
He’s always lying – If you constantly catch him in lies then you may just start to wonder if he has a lying problem. You can also start to wonder if he’s not telling you things because he doesn’t trust you and doesn’t want to confide in you. In essence you can start to blame yourself for his lying.
People with addictions are amazing liars! Even when they get caught they can talk you into believing another story that they randomly make up in their head. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense or not – they will make you believe it!
The truth is that if he is lying about his whereabouts or anything else then he is trying to cover something up. If he didn’t have anything to hide then he wouldn’t lie. Period. So if you catch him in constant lies then something is up. Take action to find out what it is or else leave him.
He doesn’t look healthy – I remember constantly telling my boyfriend that he should go to the doctor. He was always sniffling and coughing and he was just not a healthy guy in general. I told him that no one should be sick for that long. He would tell me that it was just the way he was and not to worry about it.
I didn’t know it but he was addicted to coke. His constant cough and ‘sinus problem’ was an obvious sign to anyone who had been around a coke addicted person before, but to me it was just a sign of him being really unhealthy.
Any addiction will take its toll on a body. Addiction creates worry and stress on the body and if you are not seeing the failing health signs then you will see the exhausted and irritable signs. Watch for unusual health issues or an unusual amount of stress and exhaustion on the body.
Extreme mood swings – When he can’t get to his addiction then he will most likely freak out in one way or the other. This is the anxiety of withdrawal kicking in and you can bet that Jekyll and Hyde is going to show up.
I remember going on a camping trip with my boyfriend and watching him get more moody the longer we were out. He wasn’t happy and I assumed that he didn’t enjoy camping. The truth was it was the one time he couldn’t do his drugs because we were together 24/7.
Staying awake while you are asleep – Everyone has different sleep patterns, but most people end up going to sleep between 9pm to 1am. If you find that your partner is constantly waking up in the middle of the night or not coming to bed till 3am then you may want to set the alarm and check in on what’s going on.
My boyfriend took advantage of the fact that I didn’t wake up during the night at all. He also took advantage of my trust. Why would I be suspicious of him staying up all hours of the night? He was always functional the next day! I trusted him and I just assumed that was the way he was.
I sure wish I would have got up one of those nights and caught him in the act. The relationship would have ended much sooner therefore ending my constant confusion about him and the relationship.
These are just a few of the signs but my advice is to be cautious of anything that doesn’t seem right. A normal relationship does not consist of weird behavior, lies, or moodiness. If you find that you are confused about what is going on, like I was, then that is a sign that your man is playing with your mind and even though you know that things are weird he talks you out of seeing them for what they are.
Bellaisa is the owner of the Relationship Circle, a website that focuses on relationship advice for men and women regarding dating, intimacy, and relationship problems.
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