Should You Give Your Ex Another Chance?
You dated and it didn’t work out. Now your ex is back and wanting to try the relationship again. Should you give your ex a second chance or should you say no thanks and move on with your life?
In order for you to break up there must have been something wrong with the relationship. It can be as simple as not liking each other’s habits to something as serious as abuse, but there was something that prevented the relationship from going forward and that ‘something’ needs to be reviewed and fixed if your second chance at a relationship is going to work.
To Date Again or Not
You are the only one that can answer that. If you find that you can’t forgive and forget something that your ex did then you may want to avoid the relationship altogether. You can’t enter a relationship and expect it to work if you have anger or other negative feelings that you can’t let go of. The chances of the relationship succeeding are pretty much zero, and even if it does succeed it will be an unhappy relationship.
You may want to try to work on those feelings and see if you can conquer them before you give your ex a second chance. If they really want to be with you then they will be willing to wait. But you should not enter back into a relationship with your ex if you haven’t yet or just can’t get over hurt feelings towards them.
If you decide that you can forgive and forget, or if you don’t have any hard feelings towards them that you can’t let go of, then a second chance at a relationship may be the right thing to do – if you still have positive feelings towards them. You have a past together and therefore you have a bond together, and that will make your relationship have a good chance of succeeding a second time around if your past issues are resolved.
Steps to Make it Work
1. Have an open and honest conversation about what went wrong. Don’t brush it under the rug or make light of it in any way. The reason you broke up may look different from your eyes to your ex’s eyes, and you need to rehash that experience so you both have a better understanding of where you went wrong.
2. Find a way to make sure that the issue does not come up again. If you do not do this then the chances of that same exact issue reappearing are extremely high. You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge and if you haven’t dealt with the issues then they are not fixed. They are still there waiting to ruin your relationship again and result in another breakup. So find some help or make a plan towards fixing those issues and having a healthier relationship.
3. Put your plan into action and start fixing the issues. This may involve counseling or it may just involve compromise. It depends on how serious the issue was and how hard it is to change the behavior or reason behind the issue.
4. Stay committed until you have succeeded in fixing the issue. Trying to act a new way is easy for the first few days, but if you don’t stay committed to change then you may find that you will easily slip back into old ways without even realizing it. Commitment is required when it comes to any change, and it is important to change the old dynamics or issues from your past relationship.
This plan of action is not just for when your ex wants you back, but also for if you want to get your ex back. Either way you should follow these steps.
Bellaisa if the owner of the Relationship Circe, a website with relationship advice for women and men on dating, intimacy, and relationship problems.
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