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I just want to thank everyone for their support and encouraging words yesterday it meant so much to me to know that I am not alone in this whole wide world and there are people who really care even though they don’t even know me. I spoke to a counsellor at Lifeline, thanks Niels for all the trouble you went through to get me the number. Even though I thought it would be a waste of time it helped me so much to talk about what I was feeling Soho Store.
She asked me if we as a family went for therapy after Emile’s death and that did not happen because they didn’t feel it was necessary. After all it was my son who died not hubby’s son, so he didn’t think he needed any counselling. So she suggested we go as a family now so that they can understand my depression and grief better. When I suggested it to them last night I received a resounding no, they didn’t have a problem, I have the problem and I need the help to sort it out.
Some of the comments yesterday suggested I live for my husband and son because they need me. Well let me tell you something if they can’t be bothered to care enough about me to join me for therapy then I don’t give a shit about them. I was so pissed off last night and I decided that I am going to damn well live for me. I am not living for anyone besides myself in any way. It is just bloody insane to stay alive for other people.
The two of them fight like dogs every day and I am always in the middle. Soho Shopping Well I am giving up on them and they can kill each other for all I care. They are not going to upset me anymore and make me feel life is not worth living. Marco doesn’t have any manners at all and his father spoils him into the ground, and then wonders why he doesn’t respect him. I have to listen to the two of them and play referee with all their shit and I am sick and tired of it.
My life or happiness doesn’t depend on them and they can go and screw themselves. I am alive and damn it I am going to stay alive for me and nobody else. There is no support and encouragement from them and they don’t care learning more what living with depression is like. It is a waste of time to need them to be here for me, I have to do this on my own and I will.
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