Literary “Two Cows” Stories
The field of economics is noted for using “two cow” stories to explain various economic systems. (Example for fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.) One day I began thinking, What if “two cow” stories were written by famous literary figures? What would they sound like? Here are some interesting examples.
1. Jane Austen
You have two cows. They get together and dance with your neighbor’s cows and exchange gossip. Every eligible and sensible cow finds the perfect bull.
2. Thomas Hardy
You have two cows. One day you accidentally Omega Replica forget to milk one. God causes the cow to destroy your home, trample your crops, gore your entire family, and leave you paralyzed, just to teach you a lesson.
3. My Fair Lady
You have two cows. When they come home, you can tell where they’ve been in the pasture by their moo.
4. Lord of the Flies
You have two cows. They form their own society and come back in three years. Their heads are covered with blood and they’re wearing the skulls of the neighbor’s cows.
4. Nathaniel Hawthorne
You have two cows. You think this is symbolic. You tell everyone you know not only that it is symbolic, but how it is symbolic, just so they don’t miss the point.
5. Job
You have two cows. Satan destroys them in a pillar of fire and then turns your farm into a barren wasteland. You gripe to God, who shuts you down. God gives you 50 new cows.
6. Mad Libs
You have (number) cows. They are (adjective) and (adjective). But every day you (verb) with them and feel very (adjective) at the end. You (verb) with them to (location) and (verb) all over town.
7. Star Wars
You have two cows. One is a moodi of the light side and therefore sides with the Rebellion and one is a moodi of the dark side and therefore sides with the Bovine Empire. There is no middle ground.
8. Herman Melville
Herman has two cows. Before telling us about them he first suggests we read famous quotes concerning cows, learn every scientific classification of cow, find the uses for every piece of cow meat, read works concerning the glory in raising cows, talk about the origins of cow herding, expand on the wonder of the Breitling Replica Watches cow eyeball, study the use of the cow’s tail, talk about the different kinds of barbed wire used to fence in cows, discuss the science of studying cow poop with its relation to nutrition and diet, and learn the variety of creatures that prey on cows. When he finally gets around to actually talking about his cows, no one is reading anymore.
9. Ninth-Grade English Class
I have 2 things. They cows. I have to right a paragraph about them. I hating writing. I’d rather been watching TV. I really like watching scrubs its awesome I think that the main character is really funny he makes me laugh one time he made a joke and have written about them. I need two more sentences to meet the minimum. Here they are.
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