Rebound Dating: Good For You or Not?
You either have done it yourself or seen someone who has done it. Rebounding a week after a relationship ends almost always results in disaster. The person chosen is usually the completely wrong person and ends up making the break up emotions more confusing than better. In fact, sometimes a bad rebound relationship can push someone back into the arms of their bad ex, just become the ex seems better by comparison! This is a disaster in all areas!
Some people will tell you that it’s good to get out there and find a quick rebound relationship. It well help you get back into the saddle of new relationships and get you on the road to recovery. But in reality all it does it not allow you to take time for recovery from your previous relationship and figure out what really went wrong. A rebound just clouds your feelings for a while and allows you to move through life in a less emotional way for a period of time. But once the rebound ends you end up with even more emotional turmoil then you did to begin with!
Here’s How To Look at Rebound Relationships and Get Over a Past Relationship as Well
Let Yourself Feel
Be honest with how you are feeling after a break up and realize that your emotions may not be allowing you to make the best decisions right now. If you are confused or upset then you will make decisions based out of those emotions. Imagine someone else picking a person for a rebound relationship based on the emotions you are feeling right now! What a disaster that would be! Talk about an unhealthy relationship! See your emotions for what they are, and don’t allow yourself to do anything rash until you have them under control.
If you feel as though you just need some companionship in your life because you are used to having it, then remember those unsettled emotions. You don’t want to pick a new bad lover to help you fill in that void as that will just add more conflict and confusion. Instead find some good friends, or find some new friends, and build a social army of people to help you feel less lonely and heal.
Be Picky
If you find yourself leaning towards that new person that you know is all wrong for you allow yourself to nitpick them. If your target of interest is mean, dumb, annoying, unhealthy, or anything less than what you normally require someone to be then avoid them! Don’t let yourself get in a relationship with someone below your standards just because you want to be in a relationship!
Remember That Someone Available in a Moments Notice May Not Be The Best Pick
If you find someone to rebound with within a minute of your break up then you have to ask yourself if they are really the best person to rebound with. First of all, they are available at a moments notice which means they are either desperate or on a rebound themselves. Most people who are not in emotional turmoil take some time to get to know someone before dating them.
Also if you find they are too pleasing and catering to your needs then you may be dealing with someone who is going to be very needy and hard to get rid of in the end. This is something you have to consider when you meet someone who is too affectionate as well. There has to be a reason the are so willing to lay it all out with someone they hardly know!
These facts alone should have you wanting to run, not walk, away from a rebound relationship!
Be With Yourself
Now that you can see that rebound relationships are the unhealthiest thing you can do after a break up occurs, take the time to heal the wounds inside yourself. Allow time to take you on a journey and introduce you to new people, new activities, and fun moments in your life. The healing process will take care of itself naturally this way. With each day you will feel better and be moving towards finding a relationship that really makes you happy and will stand the test of time.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
Whatever you are feeling or thinking right now is natural. Let your feelings come and go as they may, but don’t beat yourself up for them. Ride the wave of your feelings and let them dictate how far you can push yourself in the moment.
For instance, if you try to get out and start a new project on a day that you feel sad or low energy, then you may find that you have a hard time focusing and finishing your project. This can cause you to get down on yourself by saying things like “I can’t even get over my ex enough to do something productive!”, but if you accept that you are not feeling good and take the day to cheer yourself up instead of starting that new project then you will find you feel much better about yourself and that you will have the energy to do that project on another day. It will be a win-win situation when you listen to and trust your feelings.
So remember, if you find someone to have a rebound relationship with be weary of what they will actually offer you besides filled up time. If you know it would never work with you two then don’t get involved in the first place. Instead, let yourself heal and become stronger before you jump into a relationship – and you will find that you will pick someone better for you than your ex if you do, because you’ve allowed yourself time to realize what you want and deserve in a relationship!
Moving from one unhealthy relationship to another is not the path to every having a healthy relationship. Give yourself time to heal and learn from your past relationship first.
Bellaisa writes for the Relationship Circle, a website with relationship advice for men and women on dating, intimacy, and relationship issues.
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