Are You In a Sexless Marriage?
You would be surprised at how many people are in a sexless marriage. Recent surveys have shown that millions of couples are in a sexless marriage. A sexless marriage is defined as having sex less than 10 times a year which roughly works out to once a month. With life getting in the way you can see how this can happen very quickly!
The problem with a sexless marriage is that being intimate is an important aspect to any happy marriage. Anyone who tells you that it isn’t is probably in a sexless marriage themselves and has given up on trying!
When you are not having sex and being intimate it can cause problems. Fights can occur due to being frustrated with each other as well as angry, bitter, resentful, and sad. Not to mention that sexless marriages often result in affairs and that can eventually result in divorce.
Reasons You Are in a Sexless Marriage
It may help to know the issue that is causing the sexless marriage. If you can really figure out the core reason why you are not having sex then you can find a solution, fix the issue, and start being intimate again.
Men and women are different in their approach to relationships and this includes their approach to being intimate. The reasons for not wanting to be intimate can be quite different for a woman than a man and vice-versa. This is why men and women may have very different reasons for ending up in a sexless marriage.
Reasons for Men
- His wife doesn’t engage in the sexual activity that he wants
- His wife doesn’t like to have sex with him, or at least doesn’t express enjoyment.
- He is not attracted to his wife anymore.
- His wife has changed in physical appearance drastically.
- He has erectile dysfunction and hasn’t told his wife.
- He is cheating and satisfying his needs elsewhere.
- He wants out of the relationship.
Reasons For Women
As well as some of the above reasons for men a woman may have additional reasons for living in a sexless marriage.
- Her husband doesn’t connect with her during sex but instead views it as a way to release tension.
- She is not comfortable doing the things he likes to do in bed.
- He has gained weight or lost weight and she is not comfortable with his body anymore.
- Her husband has ticked her off and she hasn’t deal with the anger.
- She is dealing with emotional issues like depression or anxiety.
- She can’t reach orgasm and she doesn’t want to disappoint her husband.
- Her husband does not make her happy.
Of course these are just a few of the reasons that both men and women would end up in a sexless marriage but they are a place to start. For example, once you realize that your wife is dealing with depression instead of purposefully not wanting sex then you can start to deal with the core issue – depression, and get on with your lives.
How to Fix a Sexless Marriage
Once you figure out the underlying reasons for being in a sexless marriage you can start to do the work to fix it.
The first thing you want to do is to start talking! Being honest and communicating is very important in any relationship, especially one that is suffering through some sort of difficult time. If you don’t talk about the situation you will just create more problems and grow further and further apart.
The next thing you want to do is find a compromise between the two of you when it comes to sex or other issues you are having. For instance, if you find that sex is not occurring because of a difference in what causes pleasure than you have to find a compromise to make both of you happy. Leaning towards what one person wants more than the other is not going to help when it comes to fixing the situation. It’s just going to cause more problems and resentment. You should both be happy in order to feel a sense of intimacy between the two of you.
And lastly you must be committed to working through the issues you are having. This means taking all action that you need to take in order to fix the issue and sticking with it even when the going gets tough. If you find that you have to face difficult emotions, then you have to trudge through that in order to get to the other side. Don’t get stuck and stop moving towards happiness because you are uncomfortable dealing with things that come up.
A successful marriage takes work, it doesn’t always come easily and effortlessly.
Bellaisa if the owner of the Relationship Circe, a website with relationship advice for women and men on dating, intimacy, and relationship problems.
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