Save Your Marriage Alone
If you are having marriage problems and your spouse seems to have ‘checked out’ of your relationship or doesn’t seem willing to try to save your marriage then you may be forced to save your marriage alone – or at least feel like you are doing all the work alone, and you may be right!
Wondering how to save your marriage is the first step in actually saving it. It shows that you care enough about the marriage to want to continue on with it.
There are two things you have to remember when you are trying to save your marriage.
1. You only have control over yourself and what you do in the marriage. You can’t change your partner, but you can change yourself.
2. When you take the lead and start changing yourself in the marriage you will notice that your spouse will start to change as well. This is because when you change yourself and your role in the relationship the relationship changes as well, and your partner HAS to change in order to adapt to this new way you are acting. This is true whether you make positive or negative changes.
In reality, this means that you are not actually doing it alone! You are making changes to yourself, which result in changes in the relationship, which result in your partner making changes in themselves.
How to Start Making Changes in Yourself
First take a step back and figure out your part in the relationship problems. By taking a look at the relationship you will find that you are contributing to the relationship problems in some way. You may not be causing problems by being mean or negative, but you may be contributing to the problem by being a doormat or taking on a victim personality.
Dr. Phil, a popular television therapist, has said many times that “We teach people how to treat us”. This is so true! Figure out what you are doing that has taught your spouse to interact with you or react to you the way they do. This will produce some powerful insights!
You may think that you are not worthy of being treated well. If that is you then you are never going to be treated well by your spouse because they have received the message from you that it’s okay to treat you disrespectfully. It’s only when you stop allowing them to treat you that way that their behavior will change!
Just because you have allowed them to treat your poorly doesn’t mean that you caused your spouse’s bad behavior. They are responsible for the way they act in the relationship, and they shouldn’t be treating your poorly at all. You are only guilty of your reaction towards the way they treat you and what you let occur. This is why a change in your attitude is necessary. If what you have been doing to this point hasn’t worked for you to well then you need to change what you have been doing.
So as you can see you have the power to save your marriage – even by yourself! When you change your behaviors and attitudes towards the relationship, your relationship and spouse will change with you. They don’ t have a choice! You just have to change things to reflect a more positive and healthy you in order to get the happy marriage you want.
If you are not sure what to change then you may need to visit a therapist to help you see what you can do for yourself and your relationship. They will have a better view of your contributions to your wounded relationship because they won’t be viewing the relationship through your emotional eyes.
Bellaisa’s website, the Relationship Circle, has relationship advice for men and women.
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