In Defense of Dudes: A Letter To Men From Their Best-Friend
Men. Are. Awesome.
Guys, you’re phenomenal. You play Left4Dead with me even though it’s been out since like forever ago and you’d rather be PWNing noobz on MW3, you teach me how to use tools (the cordless drill is SUPER FUN) and you finish my burger and fries for me when we go out to a cheesy chain restaurant together and my eyes are way bigger than my stomach. You’re the best and I wouldn’t trade you for the world.
Here’s the problem, guys: Even though you’re golden-hearted beacons of kindness and humor, sometimes you choose to be with women who aren’t and it is very unsettling. I don’t know why you think that dating women who are heinous, vapid cows who want to do everything in their power to try and “fix” you is something that you need or deserve. I also don’t know why you choose to stay with them long after you realize that they are completely and utterly toxic. It’s frustrating to watch you run yourselves ragged over chicks that seem to be actively working to make your lives miserable. This is the one thing I don’t like about you, because I am one of the people you turn to for support while you try and sort out why it is that the women who says she loves you and can’t live without you just threw all of your clothes out on the front lawn, doused them in lighter fluid and lit them on fire.
Yes, I will still roast marshmallows with you in the flames kindled by your favorite cargo pants and that shirt I bought you at Dragon*Con, but these repetitive occurrences need to end. I want you to put the days of dating girls that want to shape and mold you into their ideal man far behind you. I want you to understand that making drastic, uncomfortable changes in your lifestyle just to make a woman happy (even though I suspect that she is incapable of being happy) is not the path to a successful relationship. There are women in this world who don’t suck at being a decent partner. Please hold out for one. I will even help you find her even though, at your own peril, you have ignored my advice before. I care about you and I know that you can do better. Now I want you to care about you and know that you can do better.
You are after all ones who taught me how to drive stick, use a “kill-box”, and check my tire pressure. You’re a catch, and in order for you to finally land the girl who will love and respect you the way you deserve, you’ll need to internalize how awesome you are. And also listen to me when I try to tell you that she’s trouble. Or better yet, learn to recognize trouble for what it is by utilizing all of the knowledge I’ve accumulated and stuffed into When Bitches Attack, which was written specifically with you and (and your remarkable ability to seek out girlfriends who clearly need therapy, medication, and a muzzle) in mind. Help me help you break the cycle of neurotic significant others. You’re special to me in a tremendous way, and you’re worth it.
All my best,
Plucky
Plucky Charms writes an advice blog for men http://pluckycharms.net . She is always available to answer your questions about women, dating and sex.
Processing your request, Please wait....
