Tis’ the Season: When Co-Parenting During the Holidays, Better to Be Nice, Not Naughty
It’s that time of year when your stress level and emotions are at an all-time high. You keep making those lists and checking them twice, but the lists only seem to be getting longer. There is shopping to do, holiday parties to attend, greeting cards to send out, and that last-minute project at work to complete before the end of the year. On top of all that, your ex or soon-to-be ex-spouse is giving you grief over your children’s holiday residential schedule.
For divorced and separated parents, the holiday season can be the busiest and the most contentious time of the year. For some, this is the first time a parent will spend a particular holiday without his or her children. Coping with the stress and emotional toll of separation or divorce during the holidays alone is difficult, but when accompanied by high-conflict parenting disputes, you may feel like the Grinch really did steal your Christmas. As a Seattle divorce attorney who helps clients navigate parenting challenges and disputes throughout the year, the following are some simple tips for putting the joy and peace back into your holidays and easing the pain of divorce on you and your children.
1. Plan ahead. Do not wait until the last minute to determine how the holidays and the children’s winter vacation will be shared. The best way to avoid holiday stress is to agree on a holiday schedule well in advance. Most parenting plans include specific provisions as to when and with whom the children will spend a particular holiday and how their winter vacation will be divided between the parents. Be sure to revisit your parenting plan and review the holiday provisions before the holiday season approaches, taking into account the children’s school schedules and activities and planned family gatherings. Not all parenting plans are specific; some will necessitate that the parents communicate, confirm and/or devise a holiday residential schedule together in advance. It is not uncommon for parents to deviate and informally agree to minor changes in the residential schedule or an alternative schedule, especially during the holidays. True co-parenting is when parents can agree to deviate from the residential schedule and not enforce their parenting plan with an iron fist. However, when there is a dispute regarding the holiday residential schedule, the parenting plan controls and should be followed.
2. Be flexible. In order to effectively co-parent during the holidays, being flexible and cooperative is essential. While it is important to follow the parenting plan, especially if the parties are more prone to parenting disputes, there is no reason to be militant in enforcing the provisions of your parenting plan. The holidays will be more fun and memorable for your kids and less stressful for you when you are relaxed and can work together respectfully with minimal conflict. Also, it is important to remember that a holiday does not necessarily have to be celebrated on an actual holiday and that you can celebrate whenever the children are in your care. So long as the children can spend the time with you, it will not matter to them what day the holiday falls on. Also remember that your flexibility will likely be returned in kind and that the next time, it may be YOU asking for a small favor from the other parent.
3. Always remember – the kids come first. No matter how much you may despise your ex or how angry or hurt you may be, the children’s relationship with the other parent should always be supported and fostered. Encourage your children to enjoy their time with the other parent and to call the other parent during your residential time. Avoid guilt trips or putting your children in the middle of a dispute. When in the midst of a parenting dispute, it is always a good rule of thumb to ask yourself whether you are acting in the best interest of your children. Parents should always strive to put their emotions and personal interests aside to promote their children’s happiness, stability and love for both parents. Compromise is key to effective co-parenting.
4. Avoid the perils of going to court. Disputes regarding holiday schedules are ripe for court intervention. With litigation comes not only the added stress and financial burden, but also the emotional impact on your children. If the other parent insists that the parenting plan be followed to the letter, you must follow it. You do not want to run the risk of being found in contempt. When a party is found in contempt of court, they are usually, but not always, required to pay all or part of the complaining party’s attorney fees. To the extent that you cannot resolve parenting disputes on your own, a Seattle divorce attorney at Lasher Holzapfel Sperry &Ebberson is well equipped to assist you in resolving your disputes and advocating for you and the best interests of your children.
The holiday season should be a time for peace and giving. Do not let unresolved anger, emotions, stress and grief get in the way of providing your children a fun and peaceful holiday. Whether you are in a cooperative relationship or a contentious one, the greatest holiday gift you can give your children is to make them your first priority, shield them from conflict and to be flexible with the other parent.
Happy Holidays from the Seattle attorneys at Lasher Holzapfel Sperry &Ebberson! May the New Year bring you much peace and joy for you and your family.
About Author:
The Lasher firm’s Seattle divorce attorney can assist you with Family Act. To avoid legal disputes regarding Family Act, contact a Seattle divorce attorney at Lasher today. Please contact Jamie Polito Johnston at (206) 654-2412, if you have any questions about this article.
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