for while I could have poured out a flood of
She had sworn falsely, when her morals were no better than they should be. She now offered to do me justice by swearing to the truth; but so public had become the character she bore, that though she might swear to the truth of her own falsehood a thousand times, no one would believe her. It was curious to see the anomaly of my position; for while I could have poured out a flood of lamentations at the want of virtue in Congress, no one valued my own of sufficient weight to be recommended for an office. Congress, that had no virtue, or if it had, its quality was too hard for use, was for ever standing in admiration of its beauty and whiteness, as a member or two since expelled had been pleased to call it, and was as scrupulous of having it called in question as a coy damsel. I who had virtues, was cast out because the color of it, as seen through the spectacles of my enemies, was not as white as alabaster. Ah, I have wiped the sweat from my fevered brow, and thought what a wrong-headed world we had-many a time! Every man has a history worth relating, or he must be a poor being in the measure of his kind; but I am afraid mine is becoming barren of entertainment."
I had myself become interested in the swine driver’s melancholy, and joining with the major, begged he would proceed with his story. "I took my misfortunes like a philosopher, knowing full well that heaven would grant me mercy in time of need. I had nearly spent, in Washington, the last dollar paid me for lecturing during the campaign, when the jade who had caused all my troubles, hearing of my poverty, came to me, fell upon her knees, implored my forgiveness, and offered to share with me the fruits of her infamy. I freely forgave her; nor could I forbear to shed a tear at the honesty of her repentance. But her gold I bid her give, as had been a custom with her, to her friends, in places so high that the source of their wealth remained a mystery no man dare probe. Telling her I had rather join the brigands in the hills of Lombardy than accept her gold, I at once turned my energies to writing speeches for members of Congress incapable of writing their own, and correcting the dictum of those made by men whose time was too much taken up at the crib and drinking saloon. And for this labor, so easily performed when one possessed the ability, I was to receive five dollars a column, of the Globe. Small as was this allowance, I found great difficulty in collecting it, since members too honest to sell votes generally wrote their own speeches, and those who lacked that little virtue had so many speculations on hand as to render it quite impossible for them to find time to pay their speech writers.
Processing your request, Please wait....
