How To Tell If You Are In A Bad Marriage
At times a couple may not realize that their union is troubled. Or in some cases couples realize that there is a problem but opt to just put up with the situation rather than making moves to save the relationship.
Why? The reason may be brought about by the family environment that either partner has grown up in. A partner whose parents had a bad marriage often perceive this as the pattern and does not feel the need to take notice or may not even be cognizant that there is a problem. He or she may have a misconstrued belief that the situation is sound as he or she has experienced it before. It could be these misconceptions have been ingrained in the spouse since a tender age while watching his or her parents resign themselves to a bad marriage. So, having a bad marriage himself or herself does not give rise to any reactions.
So what are the signs of a bad marriage?
No intimacy, for one. Whereas before, both spouses can’t wait to touch each other, now there is absence of ardor. The simple loving touch, the stolen embrace, the handholding – all these are absent.
No communication. Communication is crucial to bonding. And marriage is all about the merging of two people. Once communication is gone, the spouses cannot accord themselves the chance to link and nurture the marital bond.
Physical and verbal abuse. The presence of abuse in a relaitionship means there is no respect between the partners. Physical or verbal abuse is a serious sign of a bad marriage. Marriage should be based on respect and love, and when these are not present, trouble starts.
Partners often fall into the trap of denial. Factors such as apprehension from retaliation from family and friends can prevent the couple from tackling the problem head on and finding help to save the relationship. Other elements such as thinking of the welfare of the children compel couples to just endure the situation without doing anything about it. These couples do not recognize that this does not help their children at all. If left uncorrected, the children will grow up in an atmosphere filled with agitation and stress and lack of models to take after in their own relationships later on.
So what should you do? First, talk about it; this brings the communication back into the relationship. When you talk it over with your partner, it will be easier to realize that there is a problem. When both of you accept that there is a problem, it will be easier to ask for help. Sometimes couples elect to try to save the relationship by themselves without getting help from a third party. This is all right – for a first step. Though if you discover that you are not making progress, thus it is high time to seek help from a third party through counseling or through resources that you can tap like self-help books or through the internet.
We are at times taken in our reveries of castles in the sky and imagine that love will crush all and things will work out by themselves. There is nothing wrong in being positive about it. But sometimes a third party is needed to to you and your spouse each of your mistakes and analyze objectively what the problem is.
Being passive and trying to live out a bad marriage can cause stress and unease not only for you and your partner but your children and other family members as well. Do not be resigned and just expect things will work out. You can do something to
save the relationship.
Do not despair; a bad marriage can still be fixed.
Zeny Zabala is a relationship resource person who loves to write articles about marriage and relationships for individuals looking for help and inspiration in their relationships. She also provides reading recommendations on her web site with reviews on the best available reading resources on the internet today. Visit her website now.
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