If A Relationship Ends In Divorce Is That A Failing Or A New Beginning?
Most of the sentiments concerning divorces are negative. The people directly involved feel bad and they sometimes take it out on each other. Friends take sides, aligning with one person and abandoning the other. Unsurprisingly there is a lot of guilt, suspicion and anger in most separations.
It isn’t astonishing then that many individuals see divorce as representing a failure in your life. Surely any event that leads to such negative feelings has to be the result of a disastrous relationship?
This type of thinking ignores three things:
1 before the separation you had a relationship which produced a lot of good things and
2 divorce in many cases is inevitable because a marriage has broken down and
3 no matter what your situation, divorce will enable you to have a new, positive future
It is critical for you to look at your relationship and to see the positive elements that you created in it. You may have beautiful children, which you raised in a positive environment. You will have a collection of close friends who support each other. You may also have been in a local community with strong shared values. No matter what your individual list of great things, none are cancelled out because your relationship ended in divorce.
Life is not easy and sometimes things just happen and partners may let us down. That is just human nature, whether we like it or not. People also change as they experience more of life and what they need now is not what they desired five years ago. Add these elements together and you find that in quite a few marriages, divorce is going to become inevitable. If people start a marriage with a list of things in common and eventually that list evaporates, then the marriage can become meaningless. If something is this unavoidable, how can it be called a failure? In most instances it is just unavoidable.
Rather than considering divorce as a failure we should see that it has huge potential to give us a bright and positive future. Some people are trapped in loveless situations where partners have no respect for each other. The result has to be a loss of self esteem. Other people find themselves in a situation where destructive behavor has become the norm. Breaking out of this situation is vitial to getting their lives back on a positive, productive track. This is not failure.
No matter what their individual situation, people who are divorced get to start again and to reinvent their lives in a manner that leaves them joyful and fulfilled. You get to review your previous relationship and to learn from your mistakes. Maybe you chose your partner for the wrong reasons. Maybe you were too trusting. No matter what lesson you learn, you have a welcome chance to alter your future and not to repeat previous mistakes. How can this be thought of as failing?
During and after a divorce can be a painful time. It is hard to see the positive things about being in your situation. Nonetheless it is vital not to view divorce as a personal failure. It is not. You must remain positive about yourself and bear in mind that this is your chance for you to start again and build a new, happy life for yourself. Use the past to discover yourself, but not to dwell on past failings and disappointments. Focus on the future and the exciting opportunities that it will offers you.
Jessy Graynger is a researcher and writer for Planfreemum. Her main topics are information for women over 40,and health &beauty.
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