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Single Parenting Skills
All single parents know that it can be difficult handling all of the responsibilities that are normally accomplished by two parent homes. This requires single parents to become very effective at managing their stress, finding helpful resources, organizing their time, and taking care of themselves. Children can definitely thrive in a single parent home, but it helps to develop certain skills which will enable the single parent to run a home more successfully.
One of the most important skills is to develop a budget. In order to support the home through the finances that are available a single parent should keep accurate financial records, learn budgeting skills, reduce some of the “extras”, and even learn to work creatively with the money available.
Another skill is organization. It helps to keep a family calendar and to encourage older children to list their important events on it. This can include things like homework due dates, school events, sporting events, and so on.
Next, work to keep previous traditions, or develop new ones, that center around holidays and birthdays. This helps to minimize the number of adjustments a child must make. It also provides a sense of security.
Promoting teamwork is another important skill, where parents involve children in home maintenance chores. This is done by assigning age-appropriate jobs to each member of the family. Children learn how to work together and develop feelings of pride in ownership.
Having a positive outlook is very important when it comes to establishing an effective single parent household. Parents who regard the single parent household as a positive option that will be successful help their children to adjust to the new situation that much better.
You can also develop your skill of establishing appropriate boundaries. Your children can be given opportunities to help you make decisions about the home, family activities, and even the house rules and their consequences. This helps to teach them how to solve problems and how to plan for the future. Obviously, any disciplining remains the job of the parent.
Finally, work on developing your confidence. A well-informed parent can make good decisions, and you should believe in your ability to create a good home environment for your children.
Even though your child may be accustomed to a two parent household, he can thrive and be successful when making a change to a single parent household. No matter what the living situation is, you should strive to always be reliable and responsive to your child’s needs.
Effective Discipline
As a parent, you know that disciplining children be a difficult task. And, during times of family change such as divorce, discipline can become even more challenging. The family’s structure is changing, and the children are struggling with their emotional reactions to the change. It’s not surprising that sometimes children experience increased negative behaviors during this time. Here are a few techniques that you can use to discipline your children:
Obviously you want to encourage positive or desirable behaviors. To do this, you want to increase attention on behaviors that you want to see more of.
— smile and use a friendly tone of voice.
— get down on your child’s level and make eye contact.
— provide immediate encouragement.
— describe the desirable behavior in a short message.
Next, you should establish firm limits, where “No” means “No”. No matter how much crying or whining the child does, you should still enforce the limit that you have set. Because of the difficulty in keeping such limits, you should only use this when it can realistically be enforced.
Another technique of effective disciplining involves teaching your child how to behave differently next time.
— help your child figure out what he could do differently next time.
— let your child know that you believe he can make a better choice.
— help your child understand what was wrong with his behavior.
It is also important to remove attention from the behaviors that you don’t want to see anymore. You can do this by ignoring the behavior.
— make no eye contact.
— turn away to show that you are not interested.
— focus on things other than the behavior.
— praise your child when the undesirable behavior stops.
One of your goals should be to establish reasonable consequences, and make sure that the consequence is something that you can follow through on. Children remember what the original consequence was, and if you have a habit of changing them your child will not believe in the limits that you have set. Your child will learn to ignore you and to regard your discipline as something that is easy to get out of!
Finally, you should always try to be consistent in your disciplining. In other words, you should respond in the same way every time a problem behavior occurs. Discipline will not work when the consequences are not consistent.
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