3 Ways to Be Honest on a First Date Without Screwing It Up
Honesty is always the best policy, but sometimes you can be too honest – especially on a first date! For instance, if you tell your date what you REALLY think about their clothes or beliefs or annoying habit then you may not get a second date with them, and if you want a second date with them then that can be a bad thing.
It’s not just your words that can tell them how you really feel, so it’s good to think about what you are saying and even how you are acting around you date that may tell them more than they want to hear.
1. Don’t Stomp on Their Beliefs
You may not believe their beliefs but you don’t have to tell them that they are wrong and you are right, even if you think you are just being honest. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs and when you tell them that they are wrong you are essentially telling them that you don’t agree with, or like, the person they are. You have to have an open mind in order to win dates and have a good relationship.
For example, if your date tells you that they are vegetarian for reasons of animal cruelty, and you love to eat meat and don’t believe in animal cruelty, then you have two options:
· Tell them that they are wrong and share your viewpoint about how animals are here for us to eat.
· Tell them that you understand where they are coming from but you don’t feel the same.
The first one is attacking their belief and telling them that they are wrong and you are right. The second one is telling them that although you respect their decision to be a vegetarian it’s not what you would do. With the second one you are being honest without offending them.
2. Don’t Bluntly Point Out Their Faults
They may have some traits that you think are faults and you just want to tell them that if they only changed their ways they would become a better person, like you. But if you bluntly point out what they are doing wrong and offer them a better way to do it then they will quickly feel attacked and defensive and not willing to listen to your criticisms.
Sometimes, though, your date really could benefit from your criticism. Maybe you know a better way to make money, lose weight, workout, or relate to their parents. Whatever the case is, brutal honesty will only make them defensive.
A better way to do this is through positive criticism. Tell them what they are doing right and then instead of saying “Here is what you are doing wrong…” say “I have found that doing ‘this’ instead of ‘this’ normally gets better results.” What you are now doing is suggesting a better way after you give them their positive feedback first, and suggesting after positive feedback is always better than just attacking their faults.
3. Don’t Talk About How Great You Are
You may be the best at everything you do and you want to share that with your date so they know how great you really are, but there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Once you take that leap over onto the arrogance side of the line you become annoying and unattractive and you will almost always guarantee that you will never see your date again.
Being confident while being humble is best. Instead of saying “I always win employee of the month at work!” say something like “I try to work very hard at work, and I’ve found that my hard work pays off because I’ve gotten employee of the month a few times!” Just a different wording is sometimes all you need to take away the arrogant tone from something you are proud of.
Bellaisa if the owner of the Relationship Circe, a website with relationship advice for women and men on dating, intimacy, and relationship problems.
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