Reasons for divorce and how can be avoided it
The reasons for divorce lie in the pre-family life. Emptiness and anguish of ordinary, routine existence of families do not contribute to improving the lives of couples in marriage. And then – nerves, stress, and the divorce, the lawyers, the child after divorce, loneliness after a divorce – that’s what are the couples faced with divorcing.
Divorce – a life situation where there is little social support expressed by where a person is lost and does not know how to survive a divorce, often this situation is connected with the court and the divorce a complicated procedure. In this case, the statistics of divorce are disappointing. Based on the fact that the situations are divided into the ideological, social, stress, cultural divorce situation itself can be described as stress. Stress involved psychologists, psychoanalysts, psychiatrists – each with its own scientific position.
In fact, even in situations of marriage there is a hint of punishment for its destruction (remember – “Only death will separate you”). If the subject could not afford to realize their fear of family disintegration, perhaps, it would lead to destabilization of the socio-demographic situation in general, because people would be afraid of himself to marry (which is actually already present, a tendency that is expressed in desire of young people “not to hurry, to live for themselves alone,” does not assume responsibility for the family and another person).
Psychological help for divorce is necessary in terms of what is to repeat the mistakes the next time – it’s pretty stupid. The textbook, “Psychology of the family” is not a single page, the new generation prepares to effective living such a difficult period of divorce. Of course, people rely on the hope that the divorce will not take place (as well as death), and, however, divorce has become a reality of life, especially given the rise in public awareness of such values as freedom and personal needs.
As pointed out by scientists: “It is interesting that in the sociological literature to study the factors of divorce takes much less space than a factor of satisfaction with the marriage ….” This is followed by complaints about the fact that in Russian there is simply no appropriate words denoting a person’s behavior in situations of divorce. However, this is not a sufficient justification for psychologists and sociologists in the case with minimum attention to the situation of divorce. You can offer a deeper explanation of this situation. It’s really unpleasant – to be a “pathologist” families, to see its destruction and death, to communicate with people on the verge of suicide, attempt to cope with their own aversion to the process of death – why would she not treated (to a man, a flower or family).
No one wants to study the withered flower. Much more internal and external dividend brings the treatment, storage, recovery and resurrection. I must admit me too. However, to ignore the fact that divorce brings great suffering to people, destroying much of his life, makes the ill – is impossible.
Every second visitor psychological consultations in Moscow treats the problem of overcoming the negative psychological states related to the situation of divorce, which is an indicator of the crisis in the institution of the family. Awareness of the causes of divorce begins with the desire to understand something about yourself:
Why all the people – as individuals? All live with my family, my wife is on me to keep going. What in me so terrible that they leave?
Divorce crippled me. I realized that I do not want anything in my personal life. Because I tried so hard to keep the family – did not work. I – a complete idiot. I’m at forty has no family, no children, nor the woman he loved …
During the divorce, of course, it was not easy, but after a while I, on the contrary, I realized that this test – a boon for me. Only after all this I realized that I could be decisive, I can fight to defend their positions. I became a better, stronger after divorce. Opportunity to find a person at this point psychological support and legal is very important at this stage. Most divorced most often think of divorce during their own mistakes and errors partner.
I was important to understand what happened, why can not we understand each other …
What happened to him recently, as to change it? Why we disagree? In the first months of nothing else except this and could not think.
In the analysis of what happens after a divorce for each spouse opens the following possibilities: a more accurate understanding of the “retroactive” intent of each party, i.e. the so-called overriding goals. This mechanism is similar to the overriding effect of the decision task of identifying the subject of benefits in any given situation. For example, in situations related to the dismissal of the workforce is often its members have to perform certain cognitive operations associated with the formation of an immanent theory, answers the question: “Who was advantageous to the dismissal of this man? Who was the catalyst for these actions invisible?” Who was the source of destructive tendencies in the family that was the reason for the divorce and how it can be prevented, for example, the following marriage – these lessons need to be aware with the help of professional psychological help.
A man can experience in his life a few divorces, seeing himself thus helpless in the face of this situation, calling the causes of divorce are external to his own circumstances, which include also a partner.
About half of divorced people feel that their own understanding of the causes of divorce remained exactly the same a year after he and the other half talking about changes in their awareness. Subsequent to the divorce year is held under the auspices of the impact of this event. Most people remembered life with the same partner for a year after the break. One part (about two-thirds of them) is celebrating its concentration on the painful periods of life, while others said about the spontaneous memories of the brightest side of life together and the accompanying feelings of regret for the lost.
Some estimate their behavior in situations of divorce as being correct. Others believe that their behavior should have been different if they knew where to turn for legal and psychological help.
Some people believed that they had to act tougher, sorry that did not insist on its version of events, reproached himself for spinelessness, for “give-away game.” Others, by contrast, had a feeling of regret for their directive-aggressive behavior, said that if “an insult if not stagnation eyes, much wood could not mangled – but now we have nothing to fix.” However, there was no man who can not be said about the lack of annoyance in his time of sufficient knowledge on the psychology of how to survive a divorce, communication in conflict situations, etc.
The reason for the divorce may nest in any of the elements of family life. Spouses may initially have different ideas about life and during the marriage to try to win over to their side of another, thus disrupting the harmony and the logic of internal development of his wife and destroying the marriage. However, it may be very different: people who are getting married (!) Get along with each other prior to that time on, until there is a need to conduct a common household and raise children, that is, until a marital subsystem does not increase the economic and parental. In the words of the famous poet, a “love boat has crashed against life.”
Based on the foregoing, it is necessary to classify the causes of divorce, denoting membership of a particular subsystem of the reasons for the functioning of the family – marital, parental, and economic.
The author has a website – DivorceLine.org through which he Offers free divorce advice, papers, forms, child custody calculators sorted by US states.
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