Personal essay
It is obvious that you have observed my falling grades over a period of time, and believe me, I feel like a failure everyday of my life. But it is only now that I have the courage to confess the reasons for this continuous failure and drop in my academic graph. You see I was very close to my brother, he was my confidante, my secret keeper, my protector, he would cover for me, and try to make up for my failings, all in all he was my best friend.
However two years ago, he passed away in a car accident in India. It came as a tremendous and heartbreaking shock to me; I mean I have always been aware of the concept of death, ever since I was old enough to think for myself, but for someone so young to die so cruelly and unexpectedly … It was almost as if I could feel the pain he went through.
In an instant, our happy family was incomplete, torn apart by the ravages of fate, all the members of my family mourned his death, but it seemed at the time that I would never recover from it. It shattered me emotionally and mentally, words cannot explain how much of a mess my life was.
I became an emotional mess and a recluse, whereas before I was known as a bit of a people person, I would win any awards for congeniality, but I liked having company. But I shut myself up in some mental prison, letting no one in. It was difficult for me to concentrate on anything I did, I just felt myself sinking into the depths of grief, where nothing else mattered but my sorrows.
I mourned the death of my brother so much so that I would awaken from tormenting dreams, in which I relive the entire situation all over again, the crash, the news, the funeral everything, at times complete consciousness was a blessing I was afraid to sleep in case I would witness the horrific rerun of what was an episode in my life. Put yourself in my shoes sir, envision yourself in a situation like mine, would you be able to just pick up where you left off, before and after the death of an extremely loved one??
To make matters worse, a year ago my mom was suspected of having cancer, this came as an equally tremendous shock. I could not bear to lose two people that I loved; only this was worse than losing my brother. You see the thing was that my brother had died unexpectedly, I had no prior knowledge that he would die sometime soon, like maybe with a terminal illness, but this was the case with my mom. I would wake up dreading everyday; I hope the tests are clear, I hope she’ll be well, I can’t lose someone else. I am not strong enough! It was like expecting death every day, knowing in my heart that this time, I would not be able to survive it. And in some ways it was worse, I mean my brother was my best friend, but my mom, she’s my entire universe. I don’t know where I’d be without her. It’s like you leave everything else to come to nothing.
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